ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
