He had one of those small greek statue penises
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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