i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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