im drinking this country out of the recession.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
