Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
