I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
