im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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