You're earring is so big in my mouth
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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