Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
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