You're completely useless in the revolution.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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