this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
