Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I want to make a zoo with you.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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