I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
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I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
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There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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