On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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