I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I party with great urgency now.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
