being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
