Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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