3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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