someone get that fucking seahorse.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize
