Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
