She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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