sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
