I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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