So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
