I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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