Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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