Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
