I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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