I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
