Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
