i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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