If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
