she looked like the bat from fern gully.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
