New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
