Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
