last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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