All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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