So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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