I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
