So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
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