And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
