I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
