dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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