Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Randomize
