Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
