Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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