Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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