Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
