we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
that is very illegal...i love you.
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