Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
