I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
