I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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