I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
