so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
