Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
