well most of my day revolves around power hour
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
