I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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