i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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