I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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