We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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