is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
