After last night, I could never be a politician.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
you mean i was at the winter classic?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
