i jhust puked up my retainher.
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
