She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Randomize
